When I was working on a station most of us had a nickname... Longfella (he was tall), Hank (Quilty), Woody (Allen), Tiny (Yes, he was big), Turtle (It's a long story), Rambo (Big knife on his belt) and Burner (tanned easily)... I was lucky, I liked wearing cheap 'Servo Sunny' aviator sunglasses, so I copped 'Mav' as in Maverick...
The art of the nickname. Whether you're a ringer, chopper pilot, cook, truck driver - or even the boss, chances are you've either got a nickname or you've given one to someone else.
I recently asked the RFTTE community to share the best (and worst) nicknames they've come across, and there were plenty!
Nicknames are almost always given with affection (well, mostly), and they're a testament to the colourful characters you'll meet on a station; always when working on a station... bring your sense of humour.
I enjoyed receiving this note, after sending out the nickname newsletter, from Loz in Broome, WA, he said:
"I was taught as a kid that the loneliest person in a group was the bloke or girl without a nickname.
Over my 67 years, I can attest to that being true - because anyone without a nickname generally had the personality of a dishcloth and didn't deserve a nickname.
Yes, sometimes they were unflattering but almost always they were funny, they were always a comment on the person or their traits and they generally stuck forever.
I was Bluey growing up, then was known as Kong when I lived in FNQ and have been Loz ever since (as it is short for Laurie) - but the old friends still call me Bluey and the Queensland mob still call me Kong lol."
Here are a few cheeky one's below, the kind that stick around just long enough to give everyone a laugh.
So grab a cuppa, have a laugh, and see if any of these sound familiar from your own workplace. And if you've got a ripper nickname story we've missed, Send it in to us at hello@rfttejobs.com or post it on the Facebook thread
Wheelbarrow - Only works when pushed
Blister - Turns up after the work is done
Sensor Light - Only works when someone walks past
Cordless - Only works for 2 hours
Kit Kat - Always on a break
E.T. - Always wants to go home
Muffler - Always exhausted
Seaweed - Just floats around all day
Slippers - Hiding underneath the bed when the work is to be done
Honda - Gotta kick start him to make him work; Very reliable, but hard to start
2 Stroke - Hard to start, and always smoking
Rusty Rifle - Won't work and can't be fired
Broken Arrow - Can't work and can't be fired
Foreskin - Disappears when things get hard
Splinter - Only small but as annoying as f@#k
Gunna - Going to do something but never gets done
Santa - Only comes once a year
Nut Grass - Always shows up after the works done
Fog - Comes in early, gives everyone the shits and gone by 10 am / Didn't like to lift
Elsewhere - Always elsewhere when there was work to be done
Wicket Keeper - Puts his gloves on, and just stands back
The Judge - Lifts one case a week
Wait Awhile - Liked to have extended smoko break if we weren't too busy
Pop Up - Always popped up if the boss was there
Moth - Because if you left your front light on he'd always turn up
Show Bags - Full of shit
Opium - Slow working Dope
Septic Tank - Full of shit
Mudguard - Always full of shit / Shiny on top and full of crap underneath
Perth - Always 2 hours behind
10mm - Always missing / Just like a 10mil spanner, he's nowhere to be found when there's a job to be done
Shiny - Clothes were always clean from not working
Pothole / Pot Hole - Always in the road / Always trying to avoid him
Stage Coach - Give him a job and always gets held up
Lantern - Not too bright and needs to be carried
Suitcase - Had to carry him everywhere
Noodles - Thinks all jobs take two minutes
Possum - Up on the rails instead of working
Magpie - Always on the top rail squawking
Scarecrow - Spent more time on the top rail of the yards then on the ground working cattle
Outback - Always out the back of the mob doing bugger all
Custard - He was as thick as
Tail Light - Not bright enough to be a headlight / Always bringing up the rear
Parklight - Ain't bright enough to be a headlight
Aspro / Aspirin / Panadol - Slow working dope
'Spro - Short for Aspro because he gave everyone a headache
Morph - Slow working dope
Crayon - Because they had the IQ of one
Brains - Because he had none
Jungle - Because he was green and dense
DADS - Dumb As Dog Shit
Dipstick - Topped up the oil in a Toyota, filled it right up to the filler cap
Dial Up - Because I reckon dial ups more useful
Crafty - Can't Remember A Fuckin' Thing
Goodfa - Good for nothing. He couldn't find his way out of a paddock, couldn't change a tyre, did everything wrong
Compass - Because he was always getting lost
Molasses - Have you seen how slow it comes out in winter
Cherapin - Arse full of meat and a head full of shit
Mud Crab - Big arms and a head full of shit
Crayfish - Nice tail, but a head full of shit
1770 - Looks 17 from behind, then 70 from front on
Limo - Carries 8 (portly person)
Camp Oven - Round and full of tucker
Eclipse - Because he was about 7' tall and blocked out the sun
2 Wraps - Because that's how many times his towel wrapped around him
Wingnut - Big ears
Keyhole - Eyes that close together can see through keyhole both eyes at the same time
Punters Eyes - One each way (cross-eyed)
Dickdo - Because his gut sticked out further than his Dick Do
Ankles - Three foot lower than a c#nt / Because he was lower than a c#@t
Sole - 3 inches lower than an ankle
18 Months - Had half an ear missing (1 and a half ears)
Dog Bite - Because he had a big piece of his ear missing
Sprocket - Because he had large gaps in his teeth
Stick Rack - Had every second tooth missing
Pointless - Missing his right index finger
Spare Parts - He was that ugly
Yoongkoonj (Yowie) - Because he was a Big Bugga
Bootlace - Because he was always around your feet
Mustard - A little bit goes a long way
Smudge - He was a small bloke called Mark. They called him 'smudge' coz he never quite made it to the 'Mark'
Boodgie - Cause he was small (Murray word for fart)
Sass - Short for Sasquatch, hard to find
Reflector - Because when those jeans come off they shine in the dark
Pictures - Was covered in tattoos
Sniper's Nightmare - Cause he had a shocking limp
Winter Tread - Got run over by a truck when asleep in his swag, had a tyre tread mark all the way up his leg for months
Burnie - After losing a bet and getting his bum cheek branded with the horse brand
Spider - All legs!
Oxygen Thief - (self-explanatory)
Sandfly - Small and irritating
Rowdy - Because he was so quiet and hardly said a word ever / Because he's quiet and unassuming and just gets on with the job
Have a Chat - Couldn't shut up
Yappy - Talks all the time, doesn't shut up
Broken Gate - Won't shut up
Budgie - Because he could talk and joke non-stop
Ridgy Didge - A top bloke and was honest to a fault
Smiley - Had a wonderful sunny temperament and great smile / Coz she got her front teeth knocked out by a bull
Sunshine - Because he was a sour moody bastard (ironic)
Crowd Control - He'd turn up at the bar and everyone would leave
PITA - Pain In The Arse
Sphincter - (self-explanatory)
FONC - Friend Of No Carnt
Cockroach - He would suddenly appear out of the woodwork
Hessian Knickers - Because he was so bloody irritating
Chalet - Always snowed under
Turbo - Always whining / Never stops whining
Exhaust Pipe - Cause he's always hot air
Muffler Replacement Pipe - Shocking, a know it all on others business
Starboard - Prick is always right
2cats - Cause if you told him you had one cat, he had 2!
Ripleys - As in Ripleys Believe it or not because he had so many bigshot stories
Banty Rooster - Crows a lot but is still a chicken
Kettle Drum - Every time he had too much to drink, he wanted to fight anyone. Always got beaten up.
Cyclone - Slow moving depression / Full of piss and wind
Hurricane - Slow moving depression
One Eye - Because he barracked for Carlton ad nauseum no matter what
Tiny - 'casue was huge!
Longfella/ Loose Pizell - Tall bloke
Shearpin / Shear Pin - Breaks under pressure
Nut - Cracks under pressure
Biscuit - Crumbles under pressure or goes soggy when wet
Chocolate Teapot / Pot - About as useful as chocolate teapot
Lightning - He wasn't quick but because he never struck twice in the same place (riveter)
Milo - Cause he sure ain't Quik!
Dick Fingers - Everything they touch they f#$ked!
Shaggy - Because everything he touched he f....d
Wreck It Ralph - (self-explanatory)
Nearly - Everything he did in his stories he "Nearly got killed or caught"
Two Times - No matter what given to do, invariably had to have a second go at it to get it completed
Spanner - He used everything else but the right spanner to fix something
Waffy (WOFTAM) - Waste of Fkn Time And Money
5 Fingers - Cause they don't make a hand (Texas saying)
Fingers - Cause he wasn't handy
Donkey - For obvious reasons we don't need to mention
Weevil - You can't make good bread out of weevily flour
Hydraulic / Hydraulic Jack - Because he would "lift" anything belonging to others he found
Mastercard - Takes credit for other people's work
Boots - That's all you see sticking out the bosses ass / Because he was so far up my arse u could only see his boots
Toes - Cause they're so far up someone's ass you can only see their toes hanging out
Owner Operator - We weren't allowed to call him a wanker
SAM - Self Appointed Manager
FIGJAM / Fig Jam - F*ck I'm Good Just Ask Me
Bean Dick - Real name Peacock
Evil Dick - Real name Sincock
Tripped Dover / Trippy - Real name Randy Dover, tripped one day
Morgan - Had an Indian friend whose name was Sirabassanmurraganangan (two words), they shortened it
Makeabale - Given to Trevor Day by Eric Oldfield
Undies - A shortening of his surname
Rivers - Thin at the head, big in the mouth
Russell - The noise that a snake in the grass makes
Doughbanger - (camp cook related)
1080 / 540 - Shearers cook named 1080, when his son took over he was 540 because he was only half as bad
Sparrow - Don't often see him out of town and in town he's just a bloody nuisance (stock agent)
Dog - Every time he got out of the vehicle he peed near the back wheel
Slippery - Very slow
Notalot - Of energy
BlackCat - He and some mates saw a black rabbit running through the bush, challenged him to spear it, but turned out to be a black cat
The Brown Twins - Dunger (Ned, Durham) & Ponger (Fred Narilco) - iconic Kidman men
Bull Waddy - Worked up around the ISA in the 80s
Billy - Always putting the billy on
Shovel - Earth moving
Pusham Up - Because he drove a grader, anything in front of him got pushed up
Toyota / The Original Cruiser - (specific meaning not provided)
Flipper - Because never could keep anything on wheels
Boat - Because soon as a cow chased him he'd float up the rail
Horizontal - Always in the bunk
Trowel - He fell asleep on the job so she troweled him off
Ant Bed - Because you had to line him up with one to see if he's moving (but ended up very successful)
Spark Plug - No vehicle could leave the station without me in it
Padlock Pete - He drove more roadtrains through gates than he stopped to open
Glow Stick - He thought it was cause he was really bright but the truth is it was cause I wanted to break him in half and shake shit outa him till the light came on
Wattle - Because he could ride flat out through the wattle scrubs
Pint Pot - Because he was always panakin but he wasn't a mug
2/6 - A rooster that got too close to an axe and lost half the comb on his head
Seagull - Comes flying in, flapping its wings and squawking, before shitting on everything and flying off again
Blister - Turns up after the work is done
Harvey Norman - No interest for 6 months
Bondi - Because he wasn't Manly
Jim - Always cutting peoples grass
String - Followed everyone around like a puppy on a string
Rain Man - Problem solver after laying in the dirt for awhile
Margarine - Because there was no other lube
Villias - (a motor) Hard to start but once he did he went all day
Crayola - He likes the blue ones best
Gina Gorshus - Because she looked like an Italian porn star
Eggs - Guaranteed to clear a room
Egyptians / 2 Tin Car Men - Gloated they drank 2 cans of beer each between their place and ours
Crime - As in Crime doesn't pay (won't shout at the pub)
Whisper - Never shouts
Bonny Blue - She can't keep her Calves together
Gurgler - Their name rhymed, and the place was going downhill
Meddler - Book keeper always making decisions that weren't theirs to make
Protected Species - Completely useless and was never called to account
Hubcap - Because he was an unnecessary accessory
Spoon - Fed all the gear no idea
One O Three - Had to be at least that old to know as much as he knew
Daylight - No matter what job or night work he was always back with the horses at daylight
Jumbo - Because he could fix or shift anything
Petal - Had a lovely manner and sweet disposition, a good reliable worker
Johnny Plum Cake - Good, wholesome reliable worker and that was his favourite smoko snack
Charlie and Oigle - Two brothers nicknamed after a popular radio show, always teasing each other
Ajax - The fellow liked cleaning
Quarter Pot and Half Point - 2 short people one 5 foot and the other 4 foot 11 and 1/2 inches
Babbles - Because you had to work at it to get him to hold a decent conversation
Buck - Because he started a lot of young horses when a lad
Blue - Every red haired man (very common)
Scabby The Poxy Jackaroo - Because he always had barcoo rot
Two Bob - Always broke
Milky Bar (Kid) - He was only a young teenager when he started and very wet behind the ears
Teddy - Cause he was soft like a teddy bear
FROG - F’ing Rough On Gear
Snorkel - Cause he flooded his ute crossing the river after a wet season and didn’t have a snorkel
Cookie - Only worked to get through the day quicker and make it to the cookie jar
Mirror - We had a supervisor, we called the Mirror, because if you took an issue to him, he said “he would look into it”
The Florist - Had a bloke we used to call “The Florist”. He was always making his own arrangements.
The Prawn - Redhead who kept turning red then peeling from sunburn.
Bottles -Thick glasses like bottle bottoms
Bootlace - Always tripping
Have one to add? Send it in to us at hello@rfttejobs.com or post it on the Facebook thread
