If there's one thing that defines Australian rural work culture, it's the art of the nickname. Whether you're a ringer, chopper pilot, labourer or working on a mine site, chances are you've either got a nickname or you've given one to someone else. And let's be honest – they're rarely flattering.
We recently asked our RFTTE community to share the best (and worst) nicknames they've come across in their working lives, and boy, did you deliver. From the hilariously creative to the brutally honest, these nicknames showcase the unique humour and no-nonsense attitude that defines Aussie bush culture.
What makes a good nickname? Sometimes it's a play on someone's name, other times it's a personality quirk, a memorable incident, or just an observation about their work ethic (or lack thereof). The best nicknames stick forever – we heard stories of blokes who've been carrying their nickname for 50+ years, with no one remembering their real name anymore!
Fair warning: some of these are pretty rough. But that's the nature of bush humour – if you can't cop a bit of stick, you won't last long out here. These nicknames are almost always given with affection (well, mostly), and they're a testament to the colourful characters who make up the backbone of rural Australia.
So grab a cuppa, have a laugh, and see if any of these sound familiar from your own workplace. And if you've got a ripper nickname story we've missed, Send it in to us at hello@rfttejobs.com or post it on the Facebook thread
Wheelbarrow - Only works when pushed
Blister - Turns up after the work is done
Sensor Light - Only works when someone walks past
Cordless - Only works for 2 hours (then sits on the recharger all day)
Kit Kat - Always on a break
E.T. - Always wants to go home
Muffler - Always exhausted
Seaweed - Just floats around all day
Slippers - Hiding underneath the bed when the work is to be done
Honda - Gotta kick start him to make him work Very reliable, but hard to start
2 Stroke - Hard to start, and always smoking
Rusty Rifle / Rusty Gun - Won't work and can't be fired
Broken Arrow - Can't work and can't be fired
Foreskin - Disappears when things get hard
C Section - Afraid of labour
Splinter - Only small but as annoying as f@#k
Gunna - Going to do something but never gets done
Santa - Only comes once a year
Nut Grass - Always shows up after the works done
Fog - Comes in early, gives everyone the shits and gone by 10 am / Didn't like to lift
Elsewhere - Always elsewhere when there was work to be done
Underpants - Always on the bum, not good for much
Wicket Keeper - Puts his gloves on, and just stands back
The Judge - Lifts one case a week
Wait Awhile - Liked to have extended smoko break if we weren't too busy
Pop Up - Always popped up if the boss was there
Moth - Because if you left your front light on he'd always turn up
Show Bags / Showbag - Full of shit
Septic Tank - Full of shit
Mudguard - Always full of shit / Shiny on top and full of crap underneath
Perth - Always 2 hours behind
10mm - Always missing / Just like a 10mil spanner, he's nowhere to be found when there's a job to be done
Shiny - Clothes were always clean from not working
Pothole / Pot Hole - Always in the road / Always trying to avoid him
Stage Coach - Give him a job and always gets held up
Lantern - Not too bright and needs to be carried
Suitcase - Had to carry him everywhere
Noodles - Thinks all jobs take two minutes
Jobbie - Always had a little job to do
Possum - Up on the rails instead of working
Magpie - Always on the top rail squawking
Scarecrow - Spent more time on the top rail of the yards then on the ground working cattle
Outback - Always out the back of the mob doing bugger all
Custard - He was as thick as
Tail Light - Not bright enough to be a headlight / Always bringing up the rear
Parklight - Ain't bright enough to be a headlight
Aspro / Aspirin / Panadol - Slow working dope
'Spro - Short for Aspro because he gave everyone a headache
Morph - Slow working dope
Crayon - Because they had the IQ of one
Brains - Because he had none
Jungle - Because he was green and dense
DADS - Dumb As Dog Shit
Dipstick - Topped up the oil in a Toyota, filled it right up to the filler cap
Dial Up - Because I reckon dial ups more useful
Crafty - Can't Remember A Fuckin' Thing
Goofa - Good for nothing. He couldn't find his way out of a paddock, couldn't change a tire, did everything wrong
Compass - Because he was always getting lost
Molasses - Have you seen how slow it comes out in winter
Cherapin - Arse full of meat and a head full of shit
Mud Crab - Big arms and a head full of shit
Crayfish - Nice tail, but a head full of shit
Afterbirth - They obviously discarded the baby at birth and kept the wrong piece of meat
1770 - Looks 17 from behind, then 70 from front on
Limo - Carries 8 (portly person)
Camp Oven - Round and full of tucker
Eclipse - Because he was about 7' tall and blocked out the sun
2 Wraps - Because that's how many times his towel wrapped around him
Wingnut - Big ears
Keyhole - Eyes that close together can see through keyhole both eyes at the same time
Punters Eyes - One each way (cross-eyed)
Dickdo - Because his gut sticked out further than his Dick Do
Ankles - Three foot lower than a c#nt / Because he was lower than a c#@t
Sole - 3 inches lower than an ankle
18 Months - Had half an ear missing (1 and a half ears)
Dog Bite - Because he had a big piece of his ear missing
Sprocket - Because he had large gaps in his teeth
Stick Rack - Had every second tooth missing
Pointless - Missing his right index finger
Spare Parts - He was that ugly
Yoongkoonj (Yowie) - Because he was a Big Bugga
Bootlace - Because he was always around your feet
Mustard - A little bit goes a long way
Smudge - He was a small bloke called Mark. They called him 'smudge' coz he never quite made it to the 'Mark'
Boodgie - Cause he was small (Murray word for fart)
Sass - Short for Sasquatch, hard to find
Reflector - Because when those jeans come off they shine in the dark
Pictures - Was covered in tattoos
Sniper's Nightmare - Cause he had a shocking limp
Winter Tread - Got run over by a truck when asleep in his swag, had a tyre tread mark all the way up his leg for months
Burnie - After losing a bet and getting his bum cheek branded with the horse brand
Oxygen Thief - (self-explanatory)
Thrush - Irritating c&%t
Flappers - Politer than calling him a c&%t
Sandfly - Small and irritating
Rowdy - Because he was so quiet and hardly said a word ever / Because he's quiet and unassuming and just gets on with the job
Have a Chat - Couldn't shut up
Yappy - Talks all the time, doesn't shut up
Broken Gate - Can never shut him up / Won't shut up
Budgie - Because he could talk and joke non-stop
Ridgy Didge - A top bloke and was honest to a fault
Smiley - Had a wonderful sunny temperament and great smile / Coz she got her front teeth knocked out by a bull
Sunshine - Because he was a sour moody bastard (ironic)
Crowd Control - He'd turn up at the bar and everyone would leave
PITA - Pain In The Arse
Sphincter - (self-explanatory)
FONC - Friend Of No Carnt
Cockroach - He would suddenly appear out of the woodwork
Hessian Knickers - Because he was so bloody irritating
Chalet - Always snowed under
Turbo - Always whining / Never stops whining
Exhaust Pipe - Cause he's always hot air
Muffler Replacement Pipe - Shocking, a know it all on others business
Starboard - Prick is always right
2cats - Cause if you told him you had one cat, he had 2!
Ripleys - As in Ripleys Believe it or not because he had so many bigshot stories
Banty Rooster - Crows a lot but is still a chicken
Kettle Drum - Every time he had too much to drink, he wanted to fight anyone. Always got beaten up.
Cyclone - Slow moving depression / Full of piss and wind
Hurricane - Slow moving depression
One Eye - Because he barracked for Carlton ad nauseum no matter what
Tiny - 'casue was huge!
Longfella/ Loose Pizell - Tall bloke
Shearpin / Shear Pin - Breaks under pressure
Nut - Cracks under pressure
Biscuit - Crumbles under pressure or goes soggy when wet
Chocolate Teapot / Pot - About as useful as chocolate teapot
Lightning - He wasn't quick but because he never struck twice in the same place (riveter)
Milo - Cause he sure ain't Quik!
Dick Fingers - Everything they touch they f#$ked!
Shaggy - Because everything he touched he f....d
Wreck It Ralph - (self-explanatory)
Nearly - Everything he did in his stories he "Nearly got killed or caught"
Two Times - No matter what given to do, invariably had to have a second go at it to get it completed
Spanner - He used everything else but the right spanner to fix something
Waffy (WOFTAM) - Waste of Fkn Time And Money
5 Fingers - Cause they don't make a hand (Texas saying)
Fingers - Cause he wasn't handy
Donkey - For obvious reasons we don't need to mention
Weevil - You can't make good bread out of weevily flour
Hydraulic / Hydraulic Jack - Because he would "lift" anything belonging to others he found
Mastercard - Takes credit for other people's work
Boots - That's all you see sticking out the bosses ass / Because he was so far up my arse u could only see his boots
Toes - Cause they're so far up someone's ass you can only see their toes hanging out
Owner Operator - We weren't allowed to call him a wanker
SAM - Self Appointed Manager
FIGJAM / Fig Jam - F*ck I'm Good Just Ask Me
Duc - Dumb Useless C…
Bean Dick - Real name Peacock
Evil Dick - Real name Sincock
Fish Dick - Jake was a keen fisherman as well
Tripped Dover / Trippy - Real name Randy Dover, tripped one day
Morgan - Had an Indian friend whose name was Sirabassanmurraganangan (two words), they shortened it
Makeabale - Given to Trevor Day by Eric Oldfield
Undies - A shortening of his surname
Rivers - Thin at the head, big in the mouth
Russell - The noise that a snake in the grass makes
Doughbanger - (camp cook related)
1080 / 540 - Shearers cook named 1080, when his son took over he was 540 because he was only half as bad
Sparrow - Don't often see him out of town and in town he's just a bloody nuisance (stock agent)
Dog - Every time he got out of the vehicle he peed near the back wheel
Slippery - Very slow
Notalot - Of energy
BlackCat - He and some mates saw a black rabbit running through the bush, challenged him to spear it, but turned out to be a black cat
The Brown Twins - Dunger (Ned, Durham) & Ponger (Fred Narilco) - iconic Kidman men
Bull Waddy - Worked up around the ISA in the 80s
Panna Rodeo / Mud Slinger - Chap had a rooftop tent, multiple girls crawled out in the morning (legendary status)
Shaky Paw Lizard - Kimberley Station owner named so by Aboriginal ringers as he was always poking out from behind a shed waving his hand trying to attract the Aboriginal women
Billy - Always putting the billy on
Shovel - Earth moving
Pusham Up - Because he drove a grader, anything in front of him got pushed up
Toyota / The Original Cruiser - (specific meaning not provided)
Flipper - Because never could keep anything on wheels
Boat - Because soon as a cow chased him he'd float up the rail
Horizontal - Always in the bunk
Trowel - He fell asleep on the job so she troweled him off
Ant Bed - Because you had to line him up with one to see if he's moving (but ended up very successful)
Spark Plug - No vehicle could leave the station without me in it
Padlock Pete - He drove more roadtrains through gates than he stopped to open
Glow Stick - He thought it was cause he was really bright but the truth is it was cause I wanted to break him in half and shake shit outa him till the light came on
Wattle - Because he could ride flat out through the wattle scrubs
Pint Pot - Because he was always panakin but he wasn't a mug
2/6 - A rooster that got too close to an axe and lost half the comb on his head
Seagull - Comes flying in, flapping its wings and squawking, before shitting on everything and flying off again
Blister - Turns up after the work is done
Harvey Norman - No interest for 6 months
Bondi - Because he wasn't Manly
Jim - Always cutting peoples grass
String - Followed everyone around like a puppy on a string
Rain Man - Problem solver after laying in the dirt for awhile
Margarine - Because there was no other lube
G Spot - Coz we could never find the bastard
Villias - (a motor) Hard to start but once he did he went all day
Crayola - He likes the blue ones best
Gina Gorshus - Because she looked like an Italian porn star
Eggs - Guaranteed to clear a room
Egyptians / 2 Tin Car Men - Gloated they drank 2 cans of beer each between their place and ours
Crime - As in Crime doesn't pay (won't shout at the pub)
Whisper - Never shouts
Bonny Blue - She can't keep her Calves together
Gurgler - Their name rhymed, and the place was going downhill
Meddler - Book keeper always making decisions that weren't theirs to make
Protected Species - Completely useless and was never called to account
Hubcap - Because he was an unnecessary accessory
Spoon - Fed all the gear no idea
One O Three - Had to be at least that old to know as much as he knew
Daylight - No matter what job or night work he was always back with the horses at daylight
Jumbo - Because he could fix or shift anything
Petal - Had a lovely manner and sweet disposition, a good reliable worker
Johnny Plum Cake - Good, wholesome reliable worker and that was his favourite smoko snack
Charlie and Oigle - Two brothers nicknamed after a popular radio show, always teasing each other
Ajax - The fellow liked cleaning
Quarter Pot and Half Point - 2 short people one 5 foot and the other 4 foot 11 and 1/2 inches
Babbles - Because you had to work at it to get him to hold a decent conversation
Buck - Because he started a lot of young horses when a lad
Blue - Every red haired man (very common)
Scabby The Poxy Jackaroo - Because he always had barcoo rot
Two Bob - Always broke
Milky Bar (Kid) - He was only a young teenager when he started and very wet behind the ears
Have one to add? Send it in to us at hello@rfttejobs.com or post it on the Facebook thread
